Sooo sorry for not posting in forever. Basically I’ve never really been a journal kind of person and trying to write this is hard for me. But here’s the update on life as I know it.
I work 40hrs if not more a week and while I am exhausted most of the time, I LOVE IT. I was tentative at first as to whether or not I could do this or if this was the best decision for Loo. I kind of felt terrible for leaving him and felt even more terrible for enjoying the fact that I wasn’t home. But let me bullet point some things that I’ve learned about myself and what I’ve experienced since working full time. It’s shorter and to the point and easier for me to lay it out this way.
Things I’ve learned:
1. I get waaay more things done working all day and coming home to do things than on my actual few days off. On my days off I don’t think I get anything done and I definitely couldn’t get anything done when I was home full time.
– this has boosted my self confidence a lot and made me feel less like a crumbum and more like a real human being again. This was a definite fighting/sore point between Vince and I and made me feel really crappy about myself.
2. I have a crazy higher patience level now that I work.
– which has really helped my relationship with Vince and the baby. Lets face it, before when I was home all the time I was nitpicking EVERYTHING and was frustrated ALL THE TIME.
3. It has really put into perspective some personal issues that I’ve had with myself. Such as, I can definitely be very defensive especially when I get in an argument.
– This might be silly but we do personality tests at my job to better understand our girls and to know how to better communicate with them. At first when they started implementing this, I didn’t see the point of it, but it’s funny how much it has helped me get insight into myself. For instance, I know how to best communicate with myself and it makes it easier for me to convey to Vince how to communicate with me. Especially how to NOT communicate with me if he wants something done. Silly but sooo helpful.
– On the job I obviously need to sell, which is the point I guess, but what’s great about my job is that I get to really make connections with a lot of random people. For instance, today I had an awesome convo with this mom about how much it sucks when your boobs sag after breast feeding and I was able to really connect with her about the random sucky things about momhood! ((and how to make the girls look good again haha)) It seems stupid but truthfully having a few conversations a day with someone that makes you feel good to help/makes you feel good period, is a real mood lifter. It makes my day and it holds me over till I get home to snuggle with my boys. I think back to when I was home all the time and I didn’t really talk to anyone and I think that depressed me a lot
– Anyone who knew me via middleschool/ high school knew that I was such an awkward dork. Now that I’m not so awkward I have this awesome appreciation for clothes. Working full time, surrounded by beautiful clothes makes me feel so good. ((and sad since I can’t buy things..but mostly good)) Going back to work to dress people makes me happy. Being around beautiful clothes makes me happy. Talking about clothes with people who love clothes makes me happy. So Happy = happy mommy right?! Definitely
So after going back to work, I have this grander appreciation for moms who stay home. I don’t know how moms can stay home all the time with just their kids and not be a cranky bitch all the time. Maybe it’s just my personality or maybe it’s a lack of mom mojo, but I feel that ever since I’ve gone back to work, I’ve never been a better person/mom. I just feel GOOD, STABLE. I do feel sad sometimes seeing mommies come in with their babies which makes me ache inside for Loo loo man.. but I know that if I went back to my nonshower, 24hr baby time I don’t think I could do anyone much good. I don’t know if this would have been so awesome if I didn’t love my job so much but now that I’ve gone back to work, I don’t know if I COULD be a stay at home mom anymore!
Well here was my update on working. It’s been hard to keep everyone updated with the baby. I will try harder..
ps. He has 1 bottom tooth out and the other next to it on the way!
pps. He also thinks he can walk…but he totally cannot. haha