Nothing irks me more than people telling me, “oh I wish I were pregnant” or “I loved being pregnant!”. The straight truth is that being pregnant SUCKS and I’m saying this having one of the best pregnancies one could ask for! They should let me talk to teens and I swear I could prevent so many future teen pregnancies *sigh*
In no particular order, reasons why being pregnant sucks:
1. Bigger boobs
– Yeah, everyone thinks, “oh hey, I WISH I had bigger boobs”.. Well you’re WRONG. Just so we’re clear, even though your boobs get much much bigger, don’t forget they’re also SITTING ON a gigantor stomach. Yeah attractive. Not to mention that I totally had to waste money on buying bigger bras. Fun fact: I hate buying socks, bras and underwear.
– Side comment: NIPPLES
As you get further along in your pregnancy, your nipples start to leak. It is not awesome. Not to mention they get much bigger and darker, oooo attractive. So getting bigger boobies is definitely NOT a plus in my eyes. I miss my A cups.
2. Back pain
– Sitting on any surface that’s hard sucks. Getting up from sitting sucks. Sitting down and then having to get back up sucks. Having to carry 30 more pounds than my body’s used to sucks. Everything sucks.
– While it does help knowing that Vince finds it horribly cute, nothing is more embarrassing than waddling. You don’t intend to waddle, you just DO. Probably why your baby loves being rocked as an infant is because while you’re pregnant you rock like the freaking Titanic on stormy seas. God help you if you need to get anywhere fast.
4. Heart burn
– I’ve never had heart burn before being pregnant. I have heartburn at least once a day now. It sucks. You could be having a perfectly non acidic, non spicy, normal, good for you meal and the next thing you know, you’re burping up straight acid and your heart is on fire.
5. Being kicked in the (…)
– I hate when people are like, “oh you can feel him/her move, it’s magical…” barf. It was magical for all of 2 min of him first moving and then it started to suck. Now that my stomach’s bigger than a swallowed basketball, other than the feeling of relief that the kid is still alive in there, feeling him move sucks. You get kicked/punched/headbutted in the ribs, sides, and VAGINA. Yes, VAGINA. If you’ve ever fallen on a bicycle as a child and banged your crotch into the metal pole, then you know what it feels like to get kicked in the vagina from the inside. Ugh, getting kicked in the ribs isn’t magical either. It really does hurt.
6. Weight gain
– As a female, all your life you’ve been told to maintain a good weight and not eat like a whale. Then you get pregnant and everyone is telling you to go ahead and eat! LIES. Did you know that you’re really only supposed to gain like 20-30 pounds during your pregnancy? Even really only gaining weight in my belly, I want to almost go bulimic and puke out all the food I ate during the day after seeing how much weight I’ve gained. It’s cute now while you’re pregnant…but I’m SOOOOO excited to be just as heavy AFTER I pop this kid out. I hate working out.
– I used to be able to go only approx. 5 times a day. Now god forbid I go less than 5 times an hour. I think pregnant people are a plague on the environment with the amount of toilet paper I’ve gone through. Let me also share that your bladder control while pregnant goes DOWN THE DRAIN. No lie. It doesn’t help that there’s a child pressing on your bladder at ALL TIMES. It also doesn’t help that you HAVE TO DRINK a lot of fluids if you want to keep swelling down. Driving to maryland this thanksgiving was painful… OH and if you’re one of those people who require a full night’s uninterrupted sleep like I do, then forget it. You’ll be getting up a million times during the night to go pee.
8. Being touched
– Now I’m not going to lie, looking much younger than I am has helped many a stranger from touching me, though I do get a lot of glares. However, there is always that one person that takes touching too far. Not naming names of course I definitely was NOT pleased to have had my belly shaken just so that they could feel him move. Yeah ok, it’s still part of my body and it does NOT feel good to have your basketball belly jostled. I was not pleased at all.
9. Being tired..all. the. time
– It’s only 11.29pm and I’m exhausted. I am naturally a sleepy person, but being pregnant is horrible for my alertness. I am tired all the time. It doesn’t matter if I get a full night’s sleep because I’ll be tired again an hour later. I love the comments about how the baby is going to take away my sleep too. I know this already thanks and it doesn’t make me feel any better.
– I love clothes. I think what has made me the most sad about being pregnant is the fact that I can’t wear the things I could’ve worn when I wasn’t pregnant or the fact that I’m huge and awkward shaped, so dressing this body is really hard. Forget buying maternity clothes too unless you happen to have lots of money.
– I have to say that I’m extremely lucky that I have not experienced any real form of morning/afternoon/night sickness. Though many pregnant women do and because of this I put it in my list.
– I have also not experienced any swelling! I like to think this is due to my hard work of drinking plenty of fluids and moving around. However, many pregnant women experience this as well and I can only imagine how much this sucks.
13. Emotional Roller coaster
– Lately, my emotions have been much more stable, thank goodness. However early on in my pregnancy, I was a wreck. Planning the wedding didn’t help, as well as all the other crap I was doing at the time. My internship, getting ready for school, etc. The worst part is that you don’t know why you’re cranky/weepy/upset either. So while the rational part in your brain is telling you to calm down, the other part takes over and you’re just a weepy, pregnant wreck. It sucks.
– I have only lately just begun to feel these braxton hicks contractions. They are uncomfortable and I can’t wait for the real deal…. not.
15. Giving birth
– I have not yet given birth, obviously, however I just want to comment on the fact that people are always telling me that giving birth is worth it. Ok, that’s fine but I think people forget that babies really are stressful things as well as they GROW UP. Growing up children are horrible by the way, no matter how much you love them. I hate gushing people.Also, just so we’re clear, going through a lot of pain and the potential snipping of the area between your vagina and your anus, is just plain awful. Even if there is a baby at the end.
That’s the end of my rant.
(I wrote this a month -nov 28, 2010- before I gave birth to my son)